Time For My Aural Presentation

When the Sony Walkman arrived in 1980, making it possible to listen to music on the go in ways not involving a twenty-pound boombox and the noise complaints that came with it, I considered it an invention up there with dishwashers and Space Invaders. From the moment I bought my first knockoff (I could not afford a real Walkman), never again did I mow my lawn, or take a walk, or do any solitary pursuit without listening to music played at an unhealthy level.

Today, few people jog or walk their dogs or take the subway without a conspicuous pair of earbuds. But instead of music, many people are listening to podcasts, meditation guides or audiobooks. You’ve probably guessed where this is headed.

I’m happy to announce “Upton Arms: A Retirement Home for Supernaturals,” now is available in audiobook form. No longer do you have to imagine what it would be like to follow Vlad, Luis and the rest of the supernatural retirees as you exercise, or spend time in various waiting rooms. Now you can download or stream it on Audible, Spotify, Apple or other services. And if you still prefer the retro style, you can buy a physical copy, clip you preferred player to your belt and enjoy.

A few people had asked if I was going to narrate, to which I said that I have a voice best suited to writing. I’ve listened to dozens of audiobooks and have been impressed by the talent. I’ve noticed an increasing amount say “Performed by” rather than “Read by,” an indication much higher production values.

The degree of difficulty was much higher than expected when I did a few public readings when “Upton Arms” was released. However, in recent weeks I’ve had the opportunity to read to a kindergarten class where voice takes a back seat to action. The key is displaying overwrought emotion, as if you’re a silent-film actor. If the book contains the word “fart,” you are golden. I had the class hanging on my every word as a stretched out an elephant’s sneeze, everyone leaning forward in anticipation of the final nasal blast. Let’s just say what few read-aloud talents I have are best suited for a less-discerning audience.